Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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