I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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