I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
