Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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