I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
