I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
