She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
