Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
