I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
