Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
