Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize