Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
