You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
