Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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