Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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