If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
