so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
