my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
