the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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