mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
