just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
