i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
