sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
