My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
