Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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