it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
