your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
