I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
