I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
