i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
is that a dick in a sweater?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize