Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
