stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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