I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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