whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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