I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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