going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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