I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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