mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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