I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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