Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
