Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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