I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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