alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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