I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
