I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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