I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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