Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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