it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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