i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
