My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
