im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
I'm really busy with my period
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