i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
i need some magic done to my vagina
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize