Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
if only i could text you this smell
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
