my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
