I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
