your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
