Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
