rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
