He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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