I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
