think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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