just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
