You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
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