You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize