Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
