grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
