If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize