Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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