It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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