ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Sober January is a disaster.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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