i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Randomize
