She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
