I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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