ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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