Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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