dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
