eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
