does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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