He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
so let's talk penis.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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