I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
