His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
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