This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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