One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
