I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
We left the knife in your bed.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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