Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
