just come out here and I will go home with you...
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
