He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
