I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
