Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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