i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
