I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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