I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
