i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
