kristin has been a bad kristin
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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