Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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