For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
