At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
