When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
My penis needs a shock collar
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
