I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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