she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
