btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
