and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
