So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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