If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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