We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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