Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize