I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Randomize
