am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
