I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
