they need to just BURY HIM!
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
