Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
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