OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
