I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
