i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
