I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
