Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize