who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Randomize
